Many people have such terrible lives and manage to turn them around into something productive, but sadly those who don't are doomed to continue to relive the bad times until all the good ones disappear.
I usually don't get philosophical on this blog, but something happened last week that brought out these thoughts.
I remember my past as one of mistakes and regrets, yes, but also of wonderful times raising two kids when we had very little money. Not enough to buy the classy clothing they might have wanted, or live in a fancy house and drive a fancy car. But we loved each other, even with the arguments that sometimes occurred. We lived on Long Island and salvaged a 26 foot cabin cruiser that had run aground. My husband spent a couple of years patching the damage and putting an engine in, then we found a dock for next to nothing and that's how we spent our weekends all summer long. Living in that cruiser from Friday evening to Sunday night.
My kids swam and played and had a ball and I remember so many good times there. Even when we scrounged to have enough money to buy something toward the end of payday, we had those times. We managed to go on a trip every summer. One year we went to Maine in July and of course, we camped in an umbrella tent. About two nights after we arrived at Lake Moose (the rest is unpronouncable and unspellable) the temperature dropped below freezing and we had to return home. But you know that first day when we went out in a canoe on that gorgeous lake so clear you could see 20 feet down was the most breathtaking time you could imagine. Something I'll never forget. But the bad stuff? I can't even remember most of it, and don't dwell on what I do recall.
There were exciting days in the City (New York) only a train ride away; we attended the World's Fair there one summer; and yes, there were dark days, days I wondered why I had had children when I was really too young to be a terrific mother. But we struggled through, and have only the most wonderful of memories because we tossed away the rest.
We could have carried those bad days with us all these years until every day was dark and ugly, our life unfulfilled, but we didn't. And when I see someone who has let their past turn them bitter and old before their time I want to cry, it's so sad. What a waste when life can be so beautiful.
Well, that's enough of that, and I won't carry on like this again, at least not in the near future.